So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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