Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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