It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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