i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
