Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
