I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
