I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
