How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
