At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's rum buckets o'clock
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
