I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
