I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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