Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
