I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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