i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize