shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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