i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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