Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
