my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
