We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
