I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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