we're chasing vodka with high fives
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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