Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
