i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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