Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize