I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
MIDGETS
????
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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