I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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