I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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