OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
