whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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