Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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