We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
