I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
