Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found the puke drawer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
