Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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