my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Semen is not good for contacts.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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