btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
