Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
