I wish my penis had an off switch
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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