i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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