her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
