That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
