Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Please don't give away my fajitas
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