just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
