I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
