We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
