My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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