I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
