Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize