So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
