I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
