I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
