DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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