my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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