"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize