he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
