I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
