I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
