i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize