I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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