Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
