he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
