i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
