the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
