call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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